cozy on the fence

I guess you could call indecisiveness one of my character flaws. Not that I enjoy having people make decisions for me, but I rarely come to any finite decsion without a lot of thought (meaningful or not) and wavering back and forth. My indecisivness spans from deciding where to go for Sunday lunch to figuring out where to send my resume and start a career after college. More importantly, it effects my actions and the way I portray myself as a woman of God. As you can imagine, this gets me into trouble every now and then.

I love my friends, because the aren't afraid to call me out on my character flaws. I was recently told by one of my best friends that I need to stop sitting on the fence. Confused by the expression, I asked what he meant. He, more or less, told me to pick a side and plant myself. Naturally I got all defensive but decided to just let it roll off my shoulders.

But that hasn't really been working out so well. I havn't really been able to get the image or phrase out of my head. I guess I have grown to like the fence. I suppose it's comfortable. I come and go as I please..use it as a barrier for protection when necessary...but keep it to where I can see across to the other side as well. And I spent all day trying to figure out why that image is so distorted, and where the truth is in this whole thing. Why is the fence there? Did I put it up, or did I let God build it for me? Would he want me perched here? Where can I find the strength to stand for what I believe...what DO I believe?And how long until there is no fence at all? Is that even a bad thing?

I don't have many answers yet...anti-climactic, I know. But I'm going to keep digging and searching. I don't want to have that much control in my life. Tis the season for resolutions and new outlooks on life :)