I should be asleeeeeep

So it's 2am. I can't sleep. But believe me, I have plenty of homework to keep me busy. I also have no intention of starting it now. Word twist has become a bit of an obsession as of late, but I have lost the past three games. So I'll find temporary distraction in updating you on my life. Where I've been, what I've seen, and how I'm using what I've been taught. I don't know what to write to make this blog eloquent and fascinating to my readers...whomever you are. It's just real, and tonight it comes from a broken place deep inside, because that seems to be where I am. 

I have, by far, the best friends in the world.  They love me enough to let me borrow their car while mine is broken, to let the popcorn stay in the microwave a little too long because I like burned kernels, to come into Bdubs and tip me wayyy too much, to bring me Starbucks just because. I can also tell you that I have the most amazing family in the world. There is absolutely nothing we haven't been through, and still come out stronger and better for it. I am surrounded by people who love me more than I deserve to be loved. 

But in spite of all that, I feel alone. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't seem logical to me until I really am able to be honest about why I feel so disconnected. The truth is, I miss my Father's love. I miss learning new things about His love every day. I don't know when going to class and work and clinicals faded my life into shades of grey, but somewhere along the line, I stopped discovering His love and who that makes me. It frightens me to think that I could take His love for granted, that I could even forget that it surrounds me all the time. If I really am lonely, then the only finger I have to point, seems to be pointing back at me. God continues to be a sweet mystery to me. His love will never be commonplace or dull, but I am seeking it out in fresh new ways. These things I know: He is here, loving consistently, with a depth I pray everyday to understand. He loves me. Unconditionally, for all of eternity. 

You dance over me, while I am unaware

You sing all around, but I never hear the sound 

Lord I'm amazed by you and how you love me!

Paul calls us to be rooted and established in Christ's love. Growing every day in that love is the only way to understand how Christ loves us without boundaries or conditions. 

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.